"I--"

The words clog up in his throat, even though it can't come as a surprise to anyone who knows him, right? El knows he's broken, even if he's been doing better, and it still feels like he has to shove the words out until he's gagging.

"I found something from Derry. I think. It's something I didn't do yet, but I think I'm gonna, and I'm so sorry, I'm sorry, El."